How to have COVID sex

Dr. Michael Brady, Medical Director at Terrence Higgins Trust, shares how to have awful COVID-NORM sex so you don’t die.


  • COVID-19 spreads through virus particles in saliva, mucus or the breath of the infected
  • It can spread touching hard surfaces contaminated with the virus
  • Can be spread through by infected people who have no symptoms
  • Can be found in semen and in faeces

Protecting yourself

  • No blow jobs
  • No rimming
  • No eating shit
  • No kissing
  • Wear mask
  • Wash hands 20 seconds before and after

Covid Sex

  • Masturbation, using sex toys and cam sex are safest options
  • Try to have sex with someone in your household
  • Only fuck one person outside of your house
  • Choose positions where you’re not face to face
  • Try not to feel like an asshole

Uncle Luke’s additional sensuality tips

  • Tantric sex; stare into the eyes of your partner and have sex with each other using your minds
  • Astral sex; detach your essence from your body using some sort of meditation and then have sex with someone in the dream world (consensually)
  • Voodoo dolls; get a voodoo doll of yourself, and then you or your partner can kinda jostle about the erogenous zones


I feel dumber for writing this.


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